a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.
TEENAGERS (that sneak into their fave band members hotel rooms and jump in front of their cars) SCARE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME
i need to date a girl with the initials AG so we can carve SW+AG on benches
Those r my mums initials…,
say hello to your new dad. i see that your tumblr blog contains some vulgar language. you’re grounded
probably the most attractive couple ever
Guns hidden under our petticoats
"can i use your phone for a sec?"
"yeah hold on"
I took a shit in my grandma’s cat’s litterbox when I was like 13 and my whole family was wilding out trying to figure out why the cat took such a huge dump. Then they took her to the vet and we found out she has feline HIV so in a way, I helped her.
this story was wild from start to finish