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  • police officer: you're under arrest for shooting someone in the chest
  • me: whoever made the rhyme did the crime(:
  • police officer: haha i have to give you credit for that one dude you're off the hook
officialwhitegirls
anitaillemann

I’ve discovered there’s a lot you can do inside haunted houses.

fictionalfeather:

For example, you can:

  • be in a shampoo commercial

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  • start a boy band:

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  • spot some choice booty:

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  • break into song:

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  • see some people in frankly offensive outfits:

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  • attend a metal show:

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  • listen to some sick jams:

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  • discover zombieism:

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  • sample some tasty snacks:

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  • watch someone get burned bad:

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  • find something you really like:

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  • find something you really, really like:

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  • find something you REALLY REALLY LIKE:

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  • and wonder if you left the stove on:

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fictionalfeather

anotherpunk:

"Your dress is too short."

Thanks, the designer used your dick for inspiration.

anotherpunk
crashyourcrew:

Alright

crashyourcrew:

Alright

11no
imcalvinhughe:


this would literally ruin people’s lives

imcalvinhughe:

this would literally ruin people’s lives

humortrain

Reblog this if you are literally suprised when people find you attractive.

faunprincess:

Man that’s sad this has so many notes. So I’ll agree and add 1 more

ohddaniellee
uselesskids:

<3 

uselesskids:

<3 

ghostof

foxnewsofficial:

sometimes i’ll have loads of money and then other times i’ll be awake

foxnewsofficial

aworldoftheversusepic:

When you try the hardest not to wake up your parents
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itsbolin
skrippers:


give it 10 years

skrippers:

give it 10 years

skrippers
lizthelazylizard:

catbountry:

Tiny kitten demonstrates expert throat-slitting technique. Nature is amazing.

"Oh sibling kisses—
NO SISTER WHYY?!”

lizthelazylizard:

catbountry:

Tiny kitten demonstrates expert throat-slitting technique. Nature is amazing.

"Oh sibling kisses—

NO SISTER WHYY?!

suzitobritts

nokturnal:

teenbitch:

how u gon carry a baby for 9 months and name it gary

FUCK

teenbitch

sexual-koala:

I wanna run my fingers through your hair when we are cuddling but pull it when I’m fucking you.

sexual-koala
ornhansen